never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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