I wish I could teleport
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
