I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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