3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
