hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
