Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
