Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
