Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
