Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
