I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
