You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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