a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
