Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
