sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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