I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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