I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
