i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
