In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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