You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
