You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
