I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
