so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this just has baby written all over it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
