I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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