if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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