I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
