you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
