they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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