omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my poor anus
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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