I didn't shave. On purpose
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
