The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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