Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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