I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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