the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
