Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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