Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've blown a few things in my day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
