im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
