carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
