I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
