i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
