I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We need to rekindle our bromance
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
