Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
