Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
