Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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