'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
