im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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