I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
