Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
