Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
