I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
