Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
