But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
